The reason the Air Force, Army, Navy and Marines bicker
amongst themselves is that they don't speak the same language. For instance,
take the simple phrase "secure the building".
The Army will post guards around the place.
The Navy will turn out the lights and lock the doors.
The Marines will kill everybody inside and set up a headquarters
The Air Force will take out a 5 year lease with an option to buy.
On some air bases the Air Force is on one side of the field
and civilian aircraft use the other side of the field, with the control tower in
One day the tower received a call from an aircraft asking, "What time is
The tower responded, "Who is calling?"
The aircraft replied, "What difference does it make?"
The tower replied "It makes a lot of difference.
If it is an American Airlines flight, it is 3 o'clock.
If it is an Air Force plane, it is 1500 hours.
If it is a Navy aircraft, it is 6 bells.
If it is an Army aircraft, the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand
is on the 3.
If it is a Marine Corps aircraft, it's Thursday afternoon and 120
minutes to "Happy Hour."
An Air Force cargo plane was preparing for departure from Thule Air Base in
Greenland. They were waiting for the truck to arrive to pump out the aircraft's
sewage holding tank.
The Aircraft Commander was in a
hurry, the truck was late in arriving, and the Airman performing the job was
extremely slow in getting the tank pumped out.
When the commander berated the Airman
for his slowness and promised punishment, the Airman responded: "Sir, I
have no stripes, it is 20 below zero, I'm stationed in Greenland, and I am
pumping sewage out of airplanes. Just what are you going to do to punish
An air force officer goes to heaven and at the gate St Peter asks him if he
has ever done anything in his life that he believes makes him worthy of
admittance to heaven. The officer flyboy replies; yes, I once went into a bar
with four of my pilot friends and saw two Seabees harassing a young girl at the
bar, so being a gentleman I went up to the biggest one and told him to leave
this young lady alone. When he refused I told him again more forcefully. This
time I slapped him across the face and told this Seabee to stand down. St Peter
said this was a very good thing to do and asked when the pilot did this great
act. The pilot replied; about 5 minutes ago! My friends should be here shortly!